The Truth About Heaven
by IsabellaAlice
Summary: An alternate ending to Stephenie Meyer's Breaking Dawn. What happens when the Cullen's plan goes awry? When the Volturi get what they came for? What happens to Edward? To Jacob? To Bella? SPOILERS OF BREAKING DAWN! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Walked past my grave in the dark tonight

_**Bella**_

_If I had the chance, love_

_I would not hesitate_

_To tell you all the things I've never said before_

_Don't tell me it's too late_

_Cause I've relied on my illusions_

_To keep me warm at night_

_And I denied in my capacity to love_

_I am willing to give up this fight_

_I've been up all night drinking_

_To drown my sorrow down_

_But nothing seems to help me since you went away_

_I'm so tired of this town_

_Where every tongue is wagging_

_When every back is turned_

_Telling secrets that should never be revealed_

_There's nothing to be gained from this_

_But disaster_

_Here's a good one_

_Did you hear about my friend?_

_He's embarrassed _

_To be seen now_

_Cause we _

_All know_

_His secrets_

**-"Dirty Little Secret" Sarah McLachlan**

I could swear that just a few seconds ago I was sitting in the living room gazing out at the forest and listening to the river through the glass wall.

Now I was in the meadow. Edward was with me. A lump rose in my throat and I choked a bit, since I couldn't cry anymore.

"Bella, love. What's wrong?" He said as he wrapped his arms around me. I was comfortable here. So very comfortable. And his voice was as perfect as it ever was. Just like silk. Just as I remembered it.

I couldn't speak.

"Bella. It's okay. I'm here." He said. He gave me the crooked smile that he knew I loved.

"I know." I managed to whisper.

"Then why do you look so sad?" He murmured, a look of concern rearranging his features.

"I-I…."I took a shaky breath, "I miss you."I mouthed. I couldn't even get a whisper out anymore.

"I miss you too, love." He said to me.

He leaned back out of our embrace, but I refused to release him. He tilted my chin up and our eyes locked. The love in his eyes was so warm and it just made me want to cry even more. I gazed into his eyes as he did with mine. We stood like that for ages, neither of us speaking. The silence of the meadow was odd. I ignored it, concentrating on Edward.

"Don't leave me again. I want you back, Edward. I want you back. Renesme wants you back."

"I know, Bella. I know. I will never leave you again. Never."

I held him closer, tighter, willing that to be true. Willing him to stay with me. I buried my face in his chest and inhaled his perfect scent. He tilted my head up again and kissed me lightly. After a moment he deepened the kiss and we stayed there for so long I forgot where we were and what day it was…then, everything fell to black.

I heard the laugh. A laugh I had never been able to get out of my head. Not even after such a long time.

"No!" I screamed, knowing what was coming. "Edward, no! No, Edward! No, no, no! Edward, I love you!" I screamed, holding him tighter.

And in the next instant he was no longer in my arms anymore.

All I heard was the sickening, piercing screech like metal, and then a hand touched my shoulder.

* * *

I jumped.

"Bella." Jasper sighed sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, Jasper." I whispered. I ducked my head and stared at the ground, all of the facets in the wood.

"Don't be sorry, Bella." He murmured. He pulled me into his arms and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"I miss him Jasper. I miss him so much." I whimpered, my knees giving out beneath me.

Jasper led me to the creamy white sofa a few feet away.

"I know you do. I know."

"Mom!—"she shouted excitedly, "Mom…" She came and seated herself on my other side and wrapped her arms around me.

"Renesme?" I asked, shocked. "Sweetheart w-what are you doing here?" She did come back every now and then, just to see us. But I had never worked up the nerve to tell her about that night.

"I came to see you. And Daddy, of course!" She grinned at me. Her grin faded as I turned my gaze to the floor.

"Mom? What?" She asked, concern in her eyes.

Jasper gave me one last squeeze and walked away. He and I had gotten closer after...after…well, after Edward.

Renesme touched my face and conveyed to me an image of my face when I was sitting by the window.

"I was just thinking. That's all." I paused, trying to keep my voice even. "Where's Jacob?"

Renesme hugged me closer and I laid down on the couch, my face twisting into a grimace.

"He's at La Push seeing his brothers."

"Well why don't you go get him and bring him here?" I suggested.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded weakly and sat up.

Renesme gave me a meaningful look and walked out the door.

I stared after with a slight smile. My Renesme. I took a deep, shaky breath and stood up. I dragged my feet to the stairs, walking unusually slow for a vampire.

When I reached mine and Edward's room—I refused to call it just mine—I collapsed on the bed and curled into a ball. My chest throbbed while something clawed at the old scar that had ripped itself back open that night. The hole was back and worse than ever, as if the pain was being stocked up for when it would be released again. It festered and I couldn't breathe. I just sat there and curled myself up until I could get enough energy to get up and gaze out the window. It was times like these where I wished I could sleep to escape the pain and the memories.

I decided after a long while of sitting there that I would go hunt. I hadn't since that night and that was risky. I figured I may as well go if only to keep the thoughts back. It didn't help much.

* * *

"And for all that," he continued, "I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here–with no witnesses and nothing to stop me–I were to hurt you."

I was human enough to have to ask. "Why?"

"Isabella." He pronounced my full name carefully, then playfully ruffled my hair with his free hand. A shock ran my body at his casual touch. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. He looked down, ashamed again. "The though of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable."

My head was spinning at the rapid change in direction our conversation had taken. From the cheerful topic of my impending demise, we were suddenly declaring ourselves. He waited, and even though I looked down to study our hands between us, I knew his golden eyes were on me.

"You already know how I feel, of course," I finally said. "I'm here…which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." I frowned. "I'm an idiot."

"You are an idiot," he agreed with a laugh. Our eyes met, and I laughed, too. We laughed together at the idiocy and sheer impossibility of such a moment.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…"

* * *

The trees flashed past as I saw past them to the first time that Edward had told me he loved me. It was one of the few human memories I had. All of my human memories were with Edward, and after…what happened…every precious moment with Edward had come back to me with piercing clarity, even the ones that I didn't think I remembered, and I never forgot again. The hole gnawed at my chest and I kept moving, trying to push the memories out of my mind.

* * *

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost!—no, you're as white as me!"

"I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time."

"Next time!" I groaned

He laughed, his mood still radiant.

"Show-off," I muttered.

"Open your eyes, Bella," he said quietly.

And he was right there, his face so close to mine. His beauty stunned my mind—it was too much, an excess I couldn't grow accustomed to.

"I was thinking, while I was running…" He paused.

"About not hitting trees, I hope."

"Silly Bella," he chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," I muttered again.

He smiled.

"No," he continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." And he took my face in his hands again.

I couldn't breathe.

He hesitated—not in the normal way, the human way.

Not the way a man might hesitate before he kissed a woman, to gauge her reaction, to see how he would be received. Perhaps he would hesitate to prolong the moment, that ideal moment of anticipation, sometimes better than the kiss itself.

Edward hesitated to test himself, to see if this was safe, to make sure he was still in control of his need.

And then his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine.

* * *

The hole started to make it hard for me to breathe again. As I gasped and fell to the ground I remembered why I hadn't gone hunting sooner. Just like Edward's beauty and perfection the pain never lessened. If anything it intensified with every thought, every breath.

I pulled myself back to the house slowly up and made my way slowly back home. My thoughts got away from me again as I walked.

* * *

"It would be more…prudent for you not to be my friend," he explained. "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."

His eyes were gloriously intense as he uttered that last sentence, his voice smoldering. I couldn't remember how to breathe.

"Will you go with me to Seattle?" he asked, still intense.

I couldn't speak yet, so I just nodded.

He smiled briefly, and then his face became serious.

"You really should stay away from me," he warned. "I'll see you in class."

He turned abruptly and walked back the way we'd come.

* * *

The house came into view as the trees started to thin. I sucked in a breath through my teeth and my arms and legs went limp from another rocking wave of pain. Biology with Edward. That brought back even more memories.

* * *

Mr. Banner shoved the tape into the reluctant VCR and walked to the wall to turn off the lights.

And then, as the room went black, I was suddenly hyperaware that Edward was sitting less than an inch from me. I was stunned by the unexpected electricity that flowed through me, amazed that it was possible to be more aware of him than I already was. A crazy impulse to reach over and touch him, to stroke his perfect face just once in the darkness, nearly overwhelmed me. I crossed my arms tightly across my chest, my hands balling into fists. I was losing my mind.

The opening credits began, lighting the room by a token amount. My eyes, of their own accord, flickered to him. I smiled sheepishly as I realized his posture was identical to mine, fists clenched under his arms, right down to the eyes, peering sideways at me. He grinned back, his eyes somehow managing to smolder, even in the dark. I looked away before I could start hyperventilating. It was absolutely ridiculous that I should feel dizzy.

The hour seemed very long. I couldn't concentrate on the movie—I didn't even know what subject it was on. I tried unsuccessfully to relax, but the electric current that seemed to be originating from somewhere in his body never slackened. Occasionally I would permit myself a quick glance in his direction, but he never seemed to relax, either. The overpowering craving to touch him also refused to fade, and I crushed my fists safely against my ribs until my fingers were aching with the effort.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Mr. Banner flicked the lights back on at the end of class, and stretched my arms out in front of me, flexing my stiff fingers. Edward chuckled beside me.

"Well, that was interesting," he murmured.

"Just let me sit for a minute, please?" I begged

He helped me sit on the edge of the walk.

"And whatever you do, keep your hand in your pocket," I warned. I was still so dizzy. I slumped over on my side, putting my cheek against the freezing, damp cement of the sidewalk, closing my eyes. That seemed to help a little.

"Wow, you're green, Bella," Mike said nervously.

"Bella?" a different voice called from the distance.

No! Please let me be imagining that horribly familiar voice.

"What's wrong—is she hurt?" His voice was closer now, and he sounded upset. I wasn't imagining it. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to die. Or, at the very least, not to throw up.

Mike seemed stressed. "I think she's fainted. I don't know what happened, she didn't even stick her finger."

"Bella." Edward's voice was right beside me, relieved now. "Can you hear me?"

"No," I groaned. "Go away."

He chuckled.

"I was taking her to the nurse," Mike explained in a defensive tone, "but she wouldn't go any farther."

"I'll take her," Edward said. I could hear the smile still in his voice. "You can go back to class."

"No," Mike protested. "I'm supposed to do it."

Suddenly the sidewalk disappeared from beneath me. My eyes flew open in shock. Edward had scooped me up in his arms, as easily as if I weighed ten pounds instead of a hundred and ten.

* * *

I slowly made my way up the front steps. Taking a deep breath I reached for the knob.

I opened the door to find Carlisle, Esme, Renesme, Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Jacob in the front room.

This was the first time I had seen him since…

I missed him and the pain decreased slightly as I stepped towards them, an exhausted smile painted on my face.

I looked to my left to find Edward's piano sitting untouched, gathering dust. I sat there sometimes, just sat there, trying not to think.

* * *

"Well, play for her," Esme encouraged.

"You just said showing off was rude," he objected.

"There are exceptions to every rule," she replied.

"I'd like to hear you play," I volunteered.

"It's settled then." Esme pushed him toward the piano. He pulled me along, sitting me on the bench beside him.

He gave me a long, exasperated look before he turned to the keys.

And then his fingers flowed swiftly across the ivory, and the room was filled with a composition so complex, so luxuriant, it was impossible to believe only one set of hands played. I felt my chin drop, my mouth open in astonishment, and heard low chuckles behind me at my reaction.

Edward looked at me casually, the music still surging around us without a break, and winked. "Do you like it?"

"You wrote this?" I gasped, understanding.

He nodded. "It's Esme's favorite."

I closed my eyes, shaking my head.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm feeling extremely insignificant."

The music slowed, transforming into something softer, and to my surprise I detected the melody of his lullaby weaving through the profusion of notes.

"You inspired this one," he said softly. The music grew unbearably sweet.

I couldn't speak.

* * *

"Bella!" Jacob said. Warmth and happiness radiated from his body just like his impossible body temperature.

He buried me in a huge bear hug and I squeezed back just as hard. I missed my best friend and the comfort that filled the room when he was around.

He rocked back on his heels to look at me and the huge grin that I loved to see faded once he saw how exhausted I looked.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He could always read me so well.

"I suppose you didn't tell him." I murmured, directing my gaze at Renesme who shook her head, dropping her gaze.

"Didn't tell me what?" Jacob said, looking at every Cullen with a question in his eyes as well as worry.

"Jacob…" I paused. He waited. "Edward…." I took a shaky breath. His eyes widened in disbelief and he shook his h_ead. I took another breath to finish, "Edward is dead."_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The note you left for me

_**Bella **_

_This was it. Carefully, I loosened Renesmee's arms from my neck._

"_You remember what I told you?"_

_Tears welled up in her eyes, but she nodded. "I love you," she whispered._

_Edward was watching us now, his topaz eyes wide. Jacob stared at us from the corner of his big dark eye._

"_I love you, too," I said, and then I touched her locket. "More than my own life." I kissed her forehead._

_Jacob whined uneasily._

_I stretched up on my toes and whispered into his ear. "Wait until they're totally distracted, then run with her. Get as far from this place as you possibly can. When you've gone as far as you can on foot, she has what you need to get in the air."_

_Edward's and Jacob's faces were almost identical masks of horror, despite the fact that one of them was an animal._

_Renesmee reached for Edward, and he took her in his arms. They hugged each other tightly._

"_This is what you kept from me?" he whispered over her head._

"_From Aro," I breathed._

"_Alice?"_

_I nodded._

_His face twisted with understanding and pain. Had that been the expression on my face when I'd finally put together Alice's clues?_

_Jacob was growling quietly, a low rasp that was as even and unbroken as a purr. His hackles were stiff and his teeth exposed._

_Edward kissed Renesmee's forehead and both her cheeks, then he lifted her to Jacob's shoulder. She scrambled agilely onto his back, pulling herself into place with handfuls of his fur, and fit herself easily into the dip between his massive shoulder blades._

_Jacob turned to me, his expressive eyes full of agony, the rumbling growl still grating through his chest._

"_You're the only one we could ever trust her with," I murmured to him. "If you didn't love her so much, I could never bear this. I know you can protect her, Jacob."_

_He whined again, and dipped his head to butt it against my shoulder._

"_I know," I whispered. "I love you, too, Jake. You'll always be my best man."_

_A tear the size of a baseball rolled into the russet fur beneath his eye._

_Edward leaned his head against the same shoulder where he'd placed Renesmee. "Goodbye, Jacob, my brother…my son."_

_The others were not oblivious to the farewell scene. Their eyes were locked on the silent black triangle, but I could tell they were listening._

"_Is there no hope, then?" Carlisle whispered. There was no fear in his voice. Just determination and acceptance._

"_There is absolutely hope," I murmured back. It could be true, I told myself. "I only know my own fate."_

_Edward took my hand. He knew that he was included. When I said my fate, there was no question that I meant the two of us. We were just halves of the whole._

_Esme's breath was ragged behind me. She moved past us, touching our faces as she passed, to stand beside Carlisle and hold his hand._

_Suddenly, we were surrounded by murmured goodbyes and I love you's._

"_If we live through this," Garrett whispered to Kate, "I'll follow you anywhere, woman."_

"_Now he tells me," she muttered._

_Rosalie and Emmett kissed quickly but passionately._

_Tia caressed Benjamin's face. He smiled back cheerfully, catching her hand and holding it against his cheek._

_I didn't see all the expressions of love and pain. I was distracted by a sudden fluttering pressure against the outside of my shield. I couldn't tell where it came from, but it felt like it was directed at the edges of our group, Siobhan and Liam particularly. The pressure did no damage, and then it was gone._

_There was no change in the silent, still forms of the counseling ancients. But perhaps there was some signal I'd missed._

"_Get ready," I whispered to the others. "It's starting."_

"Caius was some how able to convince Aro that you—" I nodded to Renesmee and she took my hand and rested it on her lap. "—had to be gotten rid of, as you know. And once you and Jacob got away Caius became very angry. The fighting lasted a while. It soon got dark and I found myself fighting one of the witnesses. He ran off into the forest and I chased him down." The whole memory played itself in my head like a movie. "I caught up with him as he had come across some humans walking through the forest. I didn't know what they were doing there, but I dragged him off before they noticed and I killed him." Jacob let out a fierce growl. "I turned and there…"I paused, unable to continue. Jacob wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "I turned and Caius was standing there. He grinned at me and set himself into a crouch. I knew he would kill me and I was ready. Just before he pounced I heard a loud snarl from behind me. Edward was crouched in an identical position behind me.

'Edward…' I had murmured.

'Go.' He told me.

'Edward, I'm staying here.'

'No. Leave.'

'But…'

'I'll be fine.' He assured me, his position relaxing. He smiled and I walked away.

I walked for a little bit and stopped." I took in a shaky breath and continued quietly.

"I decided to turn back. I wanted to die with Edward. As soon as…a-a-as soon as I reached the clearing where Edward had been I saw…I-I s-s-s-saw….I saw Edward. The monster h-had his hands around Edward's throat." I whispered, "and I watched him rip Edward apart." I buried my head in my hands and put my head to my knees. My throat ached from wanting to cry, but being unable to. I sat like that for a long time, trying to compose myself enough to finish the story. Renesmee gasped and wrapped herself around me. Jacob comforted us. A few tears sliding down his dark cheeks.

"After that…"I continues slowly, barely audible, "after that I walked straight towards Caius to ask him to kill me. Before I reached him Jasper caught me and towed me away from the scene. The rest of them showed up the next morning once the Volturi had left. They saw me right here and jasper told them everything. They haven't let me do what I would so love to do since. I try not to think about it, and part of the reason that I haven't tried harder is you. I wanted to see you. I missed you." I couldn't say anymore. Jacob and Renesmee embraced me and we all sat like that, motionless, for a rather long time.

"Mom," Renesmee murmured, "you look thirsty. You need to hunt. It's not safe for you to let yourself suffer like this."

"I know. I just haven't been able to."

"Come on. I'll go with you. Let's go." She said, standing up and gently pulling me with her.

"I'll wait for you to come back." Jacob said. Renesmee stared back at him as she pulled me out the door.

_Alice stood right in front of me, on her tiptoes to better stare me in the eye, and gripped my wrists in her hard hands._

"_Focus, Bella. Edward is waiting for you down there."_

_I took a deep breath, willing myself into composure._

_The music slowly morphed into a new song. Charlie nudged me. "Bells, we're up to bat."_

"_Bella?" Alice asked, still holding my gaze._

"_Yes," I squeaked. "Edward. Okay." I let her pull me from the room, with Charlie tagging along at my elbow._

_The music was louder in the hall. It floated up the stairs along with the fragrance of a million flowers. I concentrated on the idea of Edward waiting below to get my feet to shuffle forward._

_The music was familiar, Wagner's traditional march surrounded by a flood of embellishments. _

"_It's my turn," Alice chimed. "Count to five and follow me." She began a slow, graceful dance down the staircase. I should have realized that having Alice as my only bridesmaid was a mistake. I would look that much more uncoordinated coming behind her._

_A sudden fanfare trilled through to soaring music. I recognized my cue._

"_Don't let me fall, Dad," I whispered. Charlie pulled my hand through his arm and then grasped it tightly._

One step at a time, _I told myself as we began to descend to the slow tempo of the march. I didn't lift my eyes until my feet were safely on the flat ground, though I could hear the murmurs and rustling of the audience as I came into view. Blood flooded my cheeks at the sound; of course I could be counted on to be the blushing bride._

_As soon as my feet were past the treacherous stairs, I was looking for him. For a brief second, I was distracted by the profusion of white blossoms that hung in garlands from everything in the room that wasn't alive, dripping with long lines of white gossamer ribbons. But I tore my eyes from the bowery canopy and searched across the rows of satin-draped chairs—blushing more deeply as I took in the crowd of faces all focused on my—until I found him at last, standing before an arch overflowing with more flowers, more gossamer._

_I was barely conscious that Carlisle stood by his side, and Angela's father behind them both. I didn't see my mother where she must have been in the front row, or my new family, or any of the guests—they would have to wait till later._

_All I really saw was Edward's face; it filled my vision and overwhelmed my mind. His eyes were a buttery, burning gold; his perfect face was almost severe with the depth of his emotion. And then, as he met my awed gaze, he broke into a breathtaking smile of exultation._

_Suddenly, it was only the pressure of Charlie's hand on mine that kept me from sprinting headlong down the aisle._

_The march was too slow as I struggled to pace my steps to its rhythm. Mercifully, the aisle was very short. And then, at last, at last, I was there. Edward held out his hand. Charlie took my hand and, in a symbol as old as the world, placed it in Edward's. I touched the cool miracle of his skin, and I was home._

_Our vows were the simple, traditional words that had been spoken a million times, though never by a couple quite like us. We'd asked Mr. Weber to make only one small change. He obligingly traded the line "till death do us part" for the more appropriate "as long as we both shall live."_

_In that moment, as the minister said his part, my world, which had been upside down for so long now, seemed to settle into its proper position._

_I saw just how silly I'd been for fearing this—as if it were an unwanted birthday gift or an embarrassing exhibition, like the prom. I looked into Edward's shining, triumphant eyes and knew that I was winning, too. Because nothing else mattered but that I could stay with him._

_I didn't realize I was crying until it was time to say the binding words._

"_I do," I managed to choke out in a nearly unintelligible whisper, blinking my eyes clear so I could see his face._

_When it was his turn to speak, the words rang clear and victorious._

"_I do," he vowed._

_Mr. Weber declared us husband and wife, and then Edward's hands reached up to cradle my face, carefully, as if it were as delicate as the white petals swinging above our heads. I tried to comprehend, through the film of tears blinding me, the surreal fact that this amazing person was _mine_. His golden eyes looked as if they would have tears, too, if such a thing were not impossible. He bent his head toward mine, and I stretched up on the tips of my toes, throwing my arms—bouquet and all—around his neck._

_He kissed me tenderly, adoringly; I forgot the crowd, the place, the time, the reason…only remembering that he loved me, that he wanted me, that I was his._

Our hunting trip was a blur. I did actually satiate my thirst this time, my eyes a warm gold in the reflection from the mirror. The gold color was not quite as light as the rest of the Cullen's, as it still had some crimson in it. I gasped as the pain in my chest throbbed in a way that felt like a knife carving a larger hole, picking up where it left off so long ago.

I closed my eyes and played the kiss Edward and I had shared that day over and over in my head, taking in the feeling of comfort that gave me for the moment. That's all that mattered; just the moment I was in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I keep forgetting to put this in here. I want to point out that I don't own Edward and Bella. That would be the ever amazing Stephenie Meyer. I'm just throwing out a new idea.

**For all of my readers: **However few you are, thank you for your reviews. I'm sorry I had to kill Edward, but I'll explain why I had to in the last chapter. Remind me and I promise I will! Please keep reading! :D

Chapter 3: I'm miserable up here without you

_**Edward**_

_This may never start_

_I'll tear us apart_

_Can I be your enemy?_

_Losing half a year_

_Waiting for you here_

_I'd be your anything_

_So get back, back_

_Back to where we lasted_

_Just like I imagined_

_I could never feel this way_

_So get back, back_

_Back to the disaster_

_My heart's beating faster_

_Holding on to feel the same_

_This may never start_

_Tearing out my heart_

_And I'd be your memory_

_Lost your sense of fear_

_Feelings insincere_

_Can I be your memory?_

"**Memory"** Sugarcult

I walked through the streets absentmindedly. I was dead. I was sure of that much, but I didn't remember much.

Another rain drop fell on my face. I looked at the people walking casually through the town. None of them had umbrellas. Why did no one have an umbrella? It was pouring rain! It didn't bother me, but everyone else was even in t-shirts and shorts. Not one person was wearing a jacket.

Oh, well. Suddenly, I found myself in front of an all-too familiar house.

Bella's house.

"Bella." I murmured. I missed her so much. But not enough to wish for her death! Not nearly that much. She was still alive by some miracle and I was happy with that.

I smiled slightly and turned around, walking back the way I had come.

_A growl ripped its way through the creature before me._

_"Die." He smirked and leapt for me._

I flinched away from the memory. After regaining my composure, I began walking again, staring at the pavement below my feet.

I looked up and stopped. I couldn't think.

"Bella." I whispered. Because there she was, walking on the street. She looked so sad as she turned the corner, out of sight. I felt a piercing pain in my chest. It held my breathing and forced me to crumple to the ground. I stayed that way for who-knows-how-long, and when I finally got up I felt empty; like my heart had been ripped from my chest. But it had, so long ago. It was with Bella, now. I t had always been with Bella. It was no longer mine.

_**Bella**_

I turned the corner and glanced behind me for a second.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a figure in the middle of the street, bronze hair shining in the warm sun, standing perfectly still. I gasped and ran back to the edge of the sidewalk, but the pain in my chest pushed me to the ground. I curled myself in and gasped for several minutes. By the time I recovered he was gone.

"Edward." I whispered softly, "Edward, I miss you."

_**Edward**_

I stood in that same spot on the street, waiting for her to come back into view. I waited for her to turn around and see me. She wouldn't see me. I wasn't real anymore. I wanted to be real. I wanted to hold her and kiss her. I missed her.

I sat down, the rain pelting my head. The street faded away, being replaced by complete white. I was surrounded by nothing. Nothing but nothing.

I looked around me and saw a small stream. I walked to the stream and crouched beside it, putting my hands in the water. It was cold. I let it run over my fingers as I thought.

I looked into the water and gasped. Reflecting back from the water was bronze hair, olive skin, green eyes. It was me. It was me before Carlisle changed me. Edward Mason.

I stared, bewildered, at the obvious heat in my skin. I smiled slightly.

Then I stood up and walked down the stream. All that I could see in the distance was the stream and white.

I kept walking, losing all sense of time. My thought started to drift as I walked.

_Bella's eyes closed, and she stretched, rolling over._

_She paused and rolled back over._

_"Sorry," I murmured. "I didn't mean to wake you."_

_She tensed and I waited her fury. The room remained quiet in the darkness. We were both still. I could taste the sweetness of reunion in the air, the empty aftertaste that I had when I was without her gone. Our calm stillness was peaceful and content._

_She reached for my hands and pulled herself to me. I wrapped my arms around her, cradling her head to my chest. She touched her lips to my throat, moving upward to my chin and finally to my lips._

_I kissed her softly, being careful, a mild burning sensation in my throat. I chuckled._

_"I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often."_

_"Give me a minute to work up to it." She teased, kissing me again._

_"I'll wait as long as you want," I whispered against her lips. My fingers knotted in her hair._

_Her breath grew uneven "Maybe in the morning."_

_"Whatever you prefer."_

_"Welcome home," she said while I kissed under her jaw. "I'm glad you came back."_

_"That's a very good thing."_

_"Mmm," she agreed, tightening her arms around my neck._

_I curved my hand around her elbow and moved it slowly down her arm, across her ribs, and over her waist, tracing along her hip and down her leg, across her knee. I was memorizing her every curve. I paused at her knee, getting an idea._

_I wrapped my hand around her calf and pulled her leg up, hitching it around my hip._

_She stopped breathing. I moved my lips to the hollow at the base of her neck._

_"Not to bring on the ire prematurely," I whispered. "but do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?" I rolled to the side and pulled her on top of me, holding her face in my hands. I tilted it upward so I could reach my mouth to her throat. Her breathing was very loud._

_"The bed?" I asked again. "_I_ think it's nice."_

_"It's unnecessary," she gasped._

_I pulled her face to mine, my lips forming themselves around hers perfectly. I rolled over again until I was hovering over her, making sure that she held none of my weight, but still pressed myself to her body._

_Her heart was pounding so loudly and I laughed quietly, my throat aching._

_"That's debatable," I disagreed. "This would be difficult on a couch._

_I lightly traced the shape of her lips with my tongue, delighting in the taste, and the scent of her breath._

_"Did you change your mind?" she asked breathlessly._

_Her heart still hammered loudly._

_I sighed and rolled back so that we were on our respective sides again._

_"Don't be ridiculous, Bella," I said disapprovingly. "I was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don't seem to like. Don't get carried away."_

_"Too late," she muttered. "And I like the bed."_

_"Good." I smiled and kissed her forehead. "I do, too."_

I smiled slightly at the memory and sighed.

"So eager for eternal damnation…" I muttered.

My heart turned into a grimace as the pain in my chest flared up.

I walked through it, continuing forward. I was compelled to keep moving. Drawn forward. I walked for another long while and stopped as I felt something.

I felt warm, content, complete. I was comfortable. The aching in my chest was gone. It wasn't like it had been healed, but as if it had never been there at all. And suddenly I knew.

"Bella." I whispered, thrilling at her name. A flood of emotion brought tears to my eyes. I smiled. "Bella."

_**Bella**_

I paused, feeling warmth. I breathed in deep, Edward's scent bringing with it complete ease. It was exactly like being in Edward's arms in Volterra. I bathed myself in the feeling.

"Edward." I mouthed, finding no voice to speak. I smiled and the warmth and sense of completion intensified. "Oh, Edward. Edward, I love you."

_**Edward**_

__"Bella, love." I stood completely still, fearing that if I moved she would be gone. "Oh, Bella, I love you." And somehow I knew she could hear me.

It was then that I realized that even in death I was with her. We were still connected. In some way we were walking through the same space. My soul was touching hers, as it were. My smile grew larger at the thought. _I guess I do have a soul. Amazing, Carlisle was right. _And I laughed. Just a chuckle, but for the first time in so long I laughed.

But I wanted to see her. And just as I wished it the river faded away and the white around me became our bedroom in the cottage. It was night and the room was dark. I opened my eyes and just in front of me I saw Bella. Her hand was stretched out as if to grab something.

She was touching me. I wrapped my arms around her. In the back of my mind I know I couldn't really tough her, but I dismissed the thought.

Then she embraced me as well, the warmth flooding my body, a thrill of emotion pouring out of me, as if I was too small a being to house it all by myself. We stood in each other's arms for an immeasurable amount of time.

Finally she shook her head and stepped away.

"Edward, I miss you." She whispered.

"I know." I replied.

I knew she wouldn't hear me, but I wanted her to.

She pulled her hand back, her ring in hand. She didn't like to wear it because it was so special to her. She wore it almost always, however. She placed it on her finger and the warmth was gone as fast as it had appeared. Gone and replaced by crippling, festering pain in my chest. Something digging and scraping against the already-ragged wound. Bella collapsed just as I did, holding herself as I held myself, as if to hold her body together.

She crumpled onto the bed and I dragged myself to her side, not wanting to leave. She laid herself down slowly, pain in her eyes. I slowly brought myself down beside her and the pain decreased to a dull throbbing. And I just lay there. I watched as she closed her eyes.

_**Bella**_

"Edward….Edward…" I sighed and closed my eyes.

_I could see him now. And I could see that he could not see me._

_It was really him, no hallucination this time. And I realized that my delusions were more flawed than I'd realized; they'd never done him justice._

_Edward stood, motionless as a statue, just a few feet from the mouth of the alley. His eyes were closed, the rings underneath them deep purple, his arms relaxed at his sides, his palms turned forward. His expression was very peaceful, like he was dreaming pleasant things. The marble skin of his chest was bare—there was a small pile of white fabric at his feet. The light reflecting from the pavement of the square gleamed dimly from his skin._

_I'd never seen anything more beautiful—even as I ran, gasping and screaming, I could appreciate that. And the last seven months meant nothing. And his words in the forest meant nothing. And it did not matter if he did not want me. I would never want anything but him, no matter how long I lived._

_The clock tolled, and he took a large stride toward the light._

_"No!" I screamed. "Edward, look at me!"_

_He wasn't listening. He smiled very slightly. He raised his foot to take the step that would put him directly in the path of the sun._

_I slammed into him so hard that the force would have hurled me to the ground if his arms hadn't caught me and held me up. It knocked my breath out of me and snapped my head back._

_His dark eyes opened slowly as the clock tolled again._

_He looked down at me with quiet surprise._

_"Amazing," he said, his exquisite voice full of wonder, slightly amused. "Carlisle was right."_

_"Edward," I tried to gasp, but my voice had no sound. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"_

_He seemed bemused. His hand brushed softly against my cheek. He didn't appear to notice that I was trying to force him back. I could have been pushing against the alley walls for all the progress I was making. The clock tolled, but he didn't react._

_It was very strange, for I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant I felt _well. _Whole. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, the blood pulsing hot and fast through my veins again. My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off his skin. It was like there had never been any hole in my chest. I was perfect—not healed, but as if there had been no wound in the first place._

"Edward."

_**Edward**_

"I'm sorry, Bella." I said

I watched her lay there and I thought.

_I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me._

_Look after my heart—I've left it with you._


	4. Chapter 4

**Really quick note: **I hate to say that it might be a few days before I update again. School starts for me tomorrow and it's my first year of high school! High school goes 10-12 here. When I get to writing the next chapter depends on what my schedule is like. That and I have color guard practice till late. We'll see! Thanks again! Enjoy this next chapter!

Chapter 4: I'd trade in forever to just hear you say the sound of my name

_**Bella**_

_And in case you_

_Were wondering_

_You are like a sunset _

_To me_

_You're all kinds of beautiful as you_

_End my day_

_And you sweetly retire_

_As the stars chase you away_

"**Sunsets and Car Crashes" **The Spill Canvas

"_Well, I wasn't going to live without you…"_

I opened my eyes, almost seeing Edward laying there next to me.

I knew he wasn't really there, but I wished he was.

_"There are other ways to distract me."_

_"What would you like?"_

_"You could tell me about you ten best nights," I suggested. "I'm curious."_

_He laughed. "Try to guess."_

_I shook my head. "There're too many nights I don't know about. A century of them."_

_"I'll narrow it down for you. All of my best nights have happened since I met you."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yes, really—and by quite a wide margin, too."_

_I thought for a minute. "I can only think of mine," I admitted._

_"They might be the same," he encouraged._

_"Well, there's the first night. The night you stayed."_

_"Yes, that's one of mine, too. Of course, you were unconscious for my favorite part."_

_"That's right," I remembered. "I was talking that night, too."_

_"Yes," he agreed._

_My face got hot as I wondered again what I might have said while sleeping in Jacob's arms. I couldn't remember what I'd dreamed about, or if I'd dreamed at all, so that was no help._

_"What did I say last night?" I whispered more quietly than before._

_He shrugged instead of answering, and I winced._

_"That bad?"_

_"Nothing too horrible," he sighed._

_"Please tell me."_

_"Mostly you said my name, the same as usual."_

_"That's not bad," I agreed cautiously._

_"Near the end, though, you started mumbling some nonsense about 'Jacob, my Jacob.'" I could hear the pain, even in the whisper. "Your Jacob enjoyed _that _quite a lot."_

_I stretched my neck up, straining to reach my lips to the edge of his jaw. I couldn't see into his eyes. He was staring up at the ceiling of the tent._

_"Sorry," I murmured. "That's just the way I differentiate."_

_"Differentiate?"_

_"Between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Between the Jacob I like and the one who annoys the hell out of me," I explained._

_"That makes sense." He sounded slightly mollified. "Tell me another favorite night."_

_"Flying home from Italy."_

_He frowned._

_"Is that not one of yours?" I wondered._

_"No, it _is _one of mine, actually, but I'm surprised it's on your list. Weren't you under the ludicrous impression I was just acting from a guilty conscience, and I was going to bolt as soon as the plane doors opened?"_

_"Yes." I smiled. "But, still, you were there."_

_He kissed my hair. "You love me more than I deserve."_

_I laughed at the impossibility of that idea. "Next would be the night after Italy," I continued._

_"Yes, that's on the list. You were so funny."_

_"Funny?" I objected._

_"I had no idea your dreams were so vivid. It took me forever to convince you that you were awake."_

_"I'm still not sure," I muttered. "You always seemed more like a dram than reality. Tell me one of yours, now. Did I guess your first place?"_

_"No—that would be two nights ago, when you finally agreed to marry me."_

_I made a face._

_"That doesn't make your list/"_

_I thought about the way he'd kissed me, the concession I'd gained, and changed my mind. "Yes…it does. But with reservations. I don't understand why it's so important to you. You already had me forever."_

_"A hundred years from now, when you've gained enough perspective to really appreciate the answer, I will explain it to you."_

_"I'll remind you to explain—in a hundred years."_

* * *

_"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment—because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"_

* * *

_"Edward! You stayed!" I rejoiced, and thoughtlessly threw myself across the room and into his lap. In the instant that my thoughts caught up with my actions, I froze, shocked by my own uncontrolled enthusiasm. I stared up at him, afraid that I had crossed the wrong line._

_But he laughed._

* * *

_"Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?" He pulled me tighter against his hard chest, tucking my head under his chin._

_I pressed my lips against his snow-cold neck. "I know how much _I _love _you_," I answered._

_"You compare one small tree to the entire forest."_

_I rolled my eyes, but he couldn't see. "Impossible."_

_He kissed the top of my head and sighed._

* * *

_"I love you," I whispered._

_"You are my life, now," he answered simply._

* * *

_Then he smiled his crooked smile, and took my face between his hands. "I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here."_

_I smiled back, ignoring the ache in my cheeks. "You're talking about forever, you know."_

* * *

_"He called you _pretty_," he finally continued, his frown deepening. "That's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You're much more than beautiful."_

* * *

The images played in my head like a movie. I immersed myself in hem, cherishing every moment I had ever spent with Edward.

_I wasn't so lost to the soreness or the fog of the medication that I didn't respond to his touch. The beeping of the monitor jumped around erratically—now he wasn't the only one who could hear my heart misbehave._

_"That's going to be embarrassing," I muttered to myself._

_He chuckled and a speculative look came into his eye. "Hmm, I wonder…"_

_He leaned in slowly; the beeping noise accelerated wildly before his lips even toughed me. But when they did, though with the most gentle of pressure, the beeping stopped altogether._

_He pulled back abruptly, his anxious expression turning to relief as the monitor reported the restarting of my heart._

_"It seems that I'm going to have to be even more careful with you than usual." He frowned._

_"I was not finished kissing you," I complained. "Don't make me come over there."_

_He grinned, and bent to press his lips lightly to mine. The monitor went wild._

* * *

_He thought for a minute. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one—then you'll have to meet one condition."_

_"Condition?" My voice went flat. "What condition?"_

_His eyes were cautious—he spoke slowly. "Marry me first."_

_I stared at him, waiting…."Okay. What's the punch line?"_

_He sighed. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."_

_"Edward, please be serious."_

_"I am one hundred percent serious." He gazed at me with no hint of humor on his face._

_"Oh, c'mon," I said, an edge of hysteria in my voice, "I'm only eighteen."_

_"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."_

* * *

_"Enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?" he whispered in my ear._

_I laughed. "That will take a while to get used to."_

_"We have a while," he reminded me, his voice exultant, and he leaned down to kiss me while we danced. Cameras clicked feverishly._

* * *

_I turned my face toward him and pressed my lips into the cold stone skin of his neck._

_"Thank you," he said, as the vague, black shapes of trees raced past us. "Does this mean you've decided you're awake?"_

_I laughed. The sound was easy, natural, effortless. It sounded _right_. "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."_

_"I'll earn your trust back somehow," he murmured, mostly to himself. "If it's my final act."_

_"I trust _you_," I assured him. "It's me I don't trust."_

_"Explain that, please."_

_He'd slowed to a walk—I could only tell because the wind ceased—and I guessed that we weren't far from the house. In fact, I thought I could make out the sound of the river rushing somewhere close by in the darkness._

_"Well—" I struggled to find the right way to phrase it. "I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold _you."_

_He stopped and reached around to pull me from his back. His gentle hands did not release me; after he'd set me on my feet again, he wrapped his arms tightly around me, hugging me to his chest._

_"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," he whispered. "Never doubt that."_

_But how could I not?_

_"You never did tell me…," he murmured._

_"What?"_

_"What your greatest problem is."_

_"I'll give you one guess." I sighed, and reached up to tough the tip of his nose with my index finger._

_He nodded "I'm worse than the Volturi," he said grimly. "I guess I've earned that."_

_I rolled my eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."_

_He waited with tense eyes._

_"You can leave me," I explained. "The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that."_

_Even in the darkness, I could see the anguish twist his face—it reminded me of his expression under Jane's torturing gaze; I felt sick, and regretted speaking the truth._

_"Don't," I whispered, toughing his face. "Don't be sad."_

_He pulled one corner of his mouth up halfheartedly, but his expression didn't touch his eyes. "If there was only some way to make you see that I _can't _leave you," he whispered. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."_

_I liked the idea of time. "Okay," I agreed._

_His face was still tormented. I tried to distract him with inconsequentials._

_"So—since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" I asked, making my tone as light as I could manage?_

_My attempt worked, to an extent: he laughed. But his eyes retained the misery. "Your things were never gone," he told me. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets—they're all under your floorboards."_

_"_Really_?"_

_He nodded, seeming slightly cheered by my obvious pleasure in this trivial fact. It wasn't enough to heal the pain in his face completely._

_"I think," I said slowly, "I'm not sure, but I wonder…I think maybe I knew it the whole time."_

_"What did you know?"_

_I only wanted to take away the agony in his eyes, but as I spoke the words, they sounded truer than I expected they would._

_"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."_

_There was a very deep silence for a moment. "Voices?" he asked flatly._

_"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story." The wary look on his face made me wish that I hadn't brought that up. Would he think that I was crazy, like everyone else? Was everyone else right _

_about that? But at least that expression—the one that made him look like something was burning him—faded._

_"I've got time." His voice was unnaturally even._

_"It's pretty pathetic."_

_He waited._

_I wasn't sure how to explain. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"_

_He spoke the words with out inflection or emphasis. "You jumped off a cliff for fun."_

_"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle—"_

_"Motorcycle?" he asked. I knew his voice well enough to hear something brewing behind the calm._

_"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."_

_"No."_

_"Well, about that…See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid…I could remember you more clearly," I confessed, feeling completely mental. "I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much—it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt._

_"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew you hadn't stopped loving me."_

_Again, as I spoke, the words brought with them a sense of conviction. Of rightness. Some deep place inside me recognized truth._

_His words came out half-strangled. "You…were…risking your life…to hear—"_

_"Shh," I interrupted him. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."_

_I thought of that night in Port Angeles when I'd had my first delusion. I'd come up with two options. Insanity or wish fulfillment. I'd seen no third option._

_But what if…_

_What if you sincerely believed something was true, but you were dead wrong? What if you were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn't even consider the truth? Would the truth be silenced, or would it try to break through?_

_Option three: Edward loved me. The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time. And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was. As I would always belong to him, so would he always be mine._

_Was that what I'd been trying to tell myself?_

_"Oh!"_

_"Bella?"_

_"Oh. Okay. I see."_

_"Your epiphany?" he asked, his voice uneven and strained._

_"You love me," I marveled. The sense of conviction and rightness washed through me again._

_Though his eyes were still anxious, the crooked smile I loved best flashed across his face. "Truly, I do."_

_My heart inflated like it was going to crack right through my ribs. It filled my chest and blocked my throat so that I could not speak._

_He really did want me that way I wanted him—forever. It _was _only fear for my soul, for the human things he didn't want to take from me, that made him so desperate to leave me mortal. Compared to the fear that he didn't want me, this hurdle—my soul—seemed almost insignificant._

_He took my face tightly between his cool hands and kissed me until I was so dizzy the forest was spinning. Then he leaned his forehead against mine, and I was not the only one breathing harder than usual._

* * *

_And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear._

_"Be happy," he told me._

Before I could let my thoughts get any more out of hand, I pulled my self up off of the bed, clutching my chest as the hole throbbed and festered.

I gazed at the bed for a long while. My eyes dropped to the ring wrapped around my finger, like Edward's arms around me. I kissed it lightly and walked out the door.

_**Edward**_

"Bella." I murmured soundlessly as the door closed behind her. I sighed and closed my eyes, surrendering to the pain in my chest that was gradually intensifying. When I opened my eyes again, all I saw was the stream and the white around me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Another thought: **I really want to thank everyone for reviewing my story!! I wasn't all that sure about it, and it's nice to know that you all love it so much! Honestly! I can't thank you enough! I'm no Stephenie Meyer, but I am happy I'm good enough to please people (if you can call making you cry pleasing you). Hahah I actually was hoping to make people cry. I really wanted this story to be powerful. That sounds mean, but I'm not going to lie, I felt all warm and fuzzy inside when I read all 7 reviews. I know it's not much, but it means a lot. I made myself cry as I wrote it, actually. Hahah

I was worried that the flash backs would really drag the story down, so I'm changing it up and writing another in Edward's perspective!

It turns out I won't have nearly as much homework as I was afraid of! I love high school! Everything is amazing! Except the weird kids in my classes…but they're just people! Yay for updating weekly!!

Thanks again!

Bella

Chapter 5: It rains in Heaven all day long

_**Edward**_

_Here comes the rain again_

_Falling on my head like a memory_

_Falling on my head like a new emotion_

_I want to walk in the open wind_

_I want to talk like lovers do_

_I want to dive into your ocean_

_Is it raining with you?_

_So, baby,_

_Talk to me like lovers do_

_Walk with me like lovers do_

_Talk to me like lovers do _

_Here comes the rain again_

_Raining in my head like a tragedy_

_Tearing me apart like a new emotion_

_I want to breathe in the open wind_

_I want to kiss like lovers do_

_I want to dive into your ocean_

_Is it raining with you?_

_Baby_

"**Here Comes The Rain Again" **Eurythmics

I sighed shakily, my breath catching; held prisoner by anguish. The agonizing pain ripping its way through my chest. As Bella had closed the door on her way out my heart had slipped its way through the door to follow her. The hollow left by its absence left my lungs in shreds. Gasping for air I curled myself slowly over, gripping my knees to my chest so hard that my knuckles turned white and felt as if they would burst from my skin. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. And when I did I thought of Bella. I thought of Bella's smile, her hair, her scent, her beauty, the blush flooding to her cheeks, her warm brown eyes.

_"What's your favorite color?" I asked._

_"She rolled her eyes. "It changes from day to day."_

_"What's your favorite color today?" I asked, trying to sound indifferent. I wanted to know everything about her._

_"Probably brown." She said simply. I noticed then that she was wearing a brown sweater._

_I snorted, unconvinced. "Brown?" I asked skeptically._

_"Sure. Brown is warm. I _miss _brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown—tree trunks, rocks, dirt—is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," she explained._

_I was fascinated. I looked over at her, her deep brown eyes sparkling. They were just so amazing. And _warm_. Just the same as her thick brown hair. I kept my face careful, considering._

_"You're right," I decided, regaining my indifference. "Brown is warm." I reached over hesitantly to sweep her hair back behind her shoulder._

Every time I thought of Bella. Anything about her. Even just her name caused another wave of agony to whip through my vital organs. I seriously doubted this was Heaven. Heaven wouldn't hurt this much. There was no Heaven without Bella. Heaven was impossible if she wasn't here with me.

_"What was all that for?"_

_"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."_

_"Oh." I wasn't sure why Charlie would ever consider the thought of Bella sneaking out to go somewhere. "Why?" _

_"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."_

_I lifted her chin, the burning in my throat flaring up. I looked carefully at her face, trying to find any excitement there. _

_"You look very warm, actually." I decided. I could feel her warmth on my fingertips._

_I leaned slowly towards her and pressed my cheek to hers. She held so still I wasn't sure if she was still alive._

_"Mmmmmm…," I breathed, delighting in her scent. All I concentrated on her scent, and the feel of her skin on mine. It was silent for a few moments before she spoke._

_"It seems to be…much easier for you, now, to be close to me." She seemed to have trouble forming the words. _

_"Does it seem that way to you?" I murmured, trailing my nose to the corner of her jaw, the wonderful scent of her blood filling my nose. My throat ached, but I barely felt it with my emotions rising so high above anything I had ever felt. There was a low tingling buzz in my chest that made it feel as if my heart were too big for my chest, like it was inflating and would burst through to join with Bella._

_I brushed her hair back lightly and pressed my lips to the hollow beneath her ear, always sure to be extremely gentle, so as not to crush her. _

_"Much, much easier," she said roughly._

_"Hmm."_

_"So, I was wondering…," She began as I traced her collarbone with the tips of my fingers, lighter than a feather._

_"Yes?" I breathed._

_"Why is that," her voice shook and I could feel the heat as the blood rose to her cheeks, coloring them red, "do you think?"_

_I laughed against her neck. "Mind over matter."_

_She pulled back and I froze._

_We stared cautiously at each other for a moment, and then, as I slowly relaxed my jaw, I became confused._

_"Did I do something wrong?"_

_"No—the opposite. You're driving me crazy," she explained._

_I thought about that, surprised. Pleased. "Really?" She smiled slowly, looking very triumphant._

_"Would you like a round of applause?" she asked me sarcastically._

_I grinned._

_"I'm just pleasantly surprised," I clarified. "In the last hundred years or so," I teased, "I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with…in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it…at being with you…"_

_"You're good at everything," she assumed._

_I shrugged, allowing the compliment, and we both laughed in whispers._

_"But how can it be so easy now?" she continued. "This afternoon…"_

_"It's not _easy_," I sighed. "But this afternoon, I was till…undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so."_

_"Not unforgivable," she disagreed._

_"Thank you." I smiled. "You see," I continued, looking down, "I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" I picked up one of her hands and pressed it to my face, thinking. Trying to tell her the truth without scaring her. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be…overcome"—I breathed in the scent of her wrist, delighting in the floral aroma—"I was…susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I _was _strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would…that I ever could…"_

_"So there's no possibility now?"_

_"Mind over matter," I repeated, smiling, proud of myself for being able to control myself._

_"Wow, that was easy," she said._

_The absurdity of the comment triggered a laugh from me. I threw my head and laughed buoyantly, quiet as a whisper in the darkness._

_"Easy for _you_!" I amended, touching her nose with my fingertip._

_I grew serious, preparing for the topic I was about to address._

_"I'm trying," I whispered, pain coloring my voice. "If it gets to be…too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." The thought was something I shied away from, hoping my hardest that I would be strong enough to avoid that action._

_She scowled and I could tell the thought did not please her any more than it did me._

_"And it will be harder tomorrow," I continued. "I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think." This was more me thinking aloud than anything else._

_"Don't go away, then," she responded, longing in her voice._

_"That suits me," I replied, smiling at the knowledge that she didn't want me to leave. "Bring on the shackles—I'm your prisoner." I bound her wrists firmly, but gently, in my hands. I laughed._

_"You seem more…optimistic than usual," she told me. "I haven't seen you like this before."_

_"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I asked honestly, my heart blocking my throat again as it grew, too big for my chest again. I smiled, "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"_

_"Very different," she agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined." My soul became warm as she said the words. I suddenly knew that she loved me just as much as I loved her. It was a comforting feeling._

I pulled my legs tighter into my body to help hold chest together. The shattering pain throbbing through my body was nearly breaking me to pieces.

'Well this just sucks. I'm _never_ going to get my chance with Bella, _now_! _God_ she looks good in that dress…I wish _I_ was going home with her tonight instead of _Edward Cullen_!'

_I stood impatiently on the edge of the dance floor as Mike Newton took Bella in his arms for a dance. After thirty seconds I refused to wait any longer. His thoughts were driving me to insanity. I cut in and smiled as I swept her away from him._

_"Still not that fond of Mike, eh?" she said as we spun away._

_"Not when I have to listen to his thoughts. He's lucky I didn't kick him out. Or worse."_

_"Yeah, right."_

_"Have you had a chance to look at yourself?"_

_"Um. No, I guess not. Why?"_

_"Then I suppose you don't realize how utterly, heart-breakingly beautiful you are tonight. I'm not surprised Mike's having difficulty with improper thoughts about a married woman. I _am_ disappointed that Alice didn't make sure you were forced to look in a mirror."_

_"You are very biased, you know."_

_I sighed and turned her in the opposite direction we were going to let her enjoy her gorgeous reflection in the glass wall of the house. I pointed to the part of the reflected scene that was us._

_"Biased, am I?" I asked, convinced I was correct._

_She stared at herself, seeming to question who—or what her reflection was. For a few moments she seemed completely sure that the beautiful creature in the glass was not even remotely related to her. I smiled as her face changed and she accepted her beauty. It was killing me not knowing her thoughts. I would have loved to hear what she thought of herself right now. Her face said it all, however. Her perfect, warm face._

Another pulse of searing pain. I wasn't sure that I could survive any more of the pain that was deteriorating my sanity. Tears slid down my face and my hands cramped, but I refused to release my grip even the slightest, for fear that any less pressure would overcome me and I would shatter to pieces from the torso and out.

_"A hand-me-down," I reminded her pointedly, making sure that she understood the small price I was paying to give her this. She still looked away, so I pulled her wrist, ever so gently, away from where it gripped her knee and I placed the trinket on her arm. I released her arm and she glanced down at the addition to her bracelet. I waited apprehensively._

_She examined the heart-shaped diamond cautiously. Her face changed as she gazed into its million-faceted surface. It sparkled up to the ceiling in rainbows on the opposite side of the bracelet from Jacob's carved wolf. She gasped quietly. Warmth filled me as she stared at it._

_"It was my mother's," I shrugged, trying to make the gift seem less monumental, so that she would not react too strongly to it. "I inherited quite a few baubles like this. I've given some to Esme and Alice both. So, clearly, this is not a big deal in any way." I added, further illustrating the casualness of the gesture._

_She smiled at me ruefully._

_"But I thought it was a good representation," I continued. "It's hard and cold." I laughed. "And it throws rainbows in the sunlight."_

_"You forgot the most important similarity," she murmured. "It's beautiful."_

_Another wave of warmth flooded my body._

I sighed remorsefully and sat up, the pain dulling, but never really ceasing. I continued walking the river, drawn again by something. I had an idea that it was Bella; that I was always drawn to her and I would see her. I could wait. Seeing her was a pleasant surprise, so I could take it where I would get it. 

The rain continued to pelt me as I walked, and I shivered, becoming cold as I was drenched in the rain in Heaven.


	6. Chapter 6

**Oh my gosh: **I cried writing this chapter. Hopefully it's as good as I think.

Chapter 6: I couldn't wake up not right next to you

_**Bella**_

_By my side_

_You'll never be_

_By my side_

_You'll never be_

_Cause I'm fake at the seams_

_Lost in my dreams_

_And I_

_I want you to know_

_That I_

_I can't let you go_

_And you're never coming home again_

_And you're never coming home again_

"**Swans" **Unkle Bob

Okay, really. This was starting to get old. It became routine for the pain in my chest to accompany a fond memory of Edward. _Ow. _Just his _name_ triggered the throbbing agony. I was really getting sick of it. But…I didn't know how to stop? I couldn't just _not _think of Edward. That was an impossibility. And I didn't want to be numb again. I didn't want to hurt the people I loved again. Renesmee needed me, Jacob needed me. These were the only reasons I was still alive. I could have easily snuck away and done the job, but I thought of my family. Of Carlisle and Rosalie and Alice and Emmett and Esme. Esme would have been crushed if I left. Everyone would. So, I put on a brave face and lived my life, however empty and lifeless it was without Edward. The show must go on.

Another stab of pain.

But…but Edward was hurting, too. Wherever he was, he missed me. I knew it. I couldn't be the only one feeling like this. Not even if he was in Heaven, which I knew he was. Our connection was too strong. Not amount of separation could tear us apart. His heart was just as much mine as mine was his. So I knew I was causing him agony by taking so long to join him. It was easy when I knew I'd never see Renesmee or Jacob again, but when they reappeared I couldn't find the strength to leave them. But it was even more unbearable that I could be hurting the one I loved the very most.

I sighed. I always hurt _somebody _that I loved in some way or another. There was just no avoiding it. I couldn't please everyone, no matter how much I wanted to.

Then there was Charlie and Renee. How could I deal with hurting them? I had resolved to leaving them once, knowing it was best for them, but could I do it again?

"Ugh." I groaned and fell back onto the bed heavily, running my fingers through my hair, frustrated.

_I'd really been hoping to put off this part of our last conversation. It was going to bring things to an end so much sooner._

_Drawing on all my months of practice with trying to be normal for Charlie, I kept my face smooth._

_"Edward," I said. His name burned my throat a little on the way out. I could feel the ghost of the hole, waiting to rip itself wide again as soon as he disappeared. I didn't quite see how I was going to survive it this time. "This has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this…this _

guilt_…rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life _is_ for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and _not your fault_. I know it's your…your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to extremes! It's very irresponsible—think of Esme and Carlisle and—"_

_I was on the edge of losing it. I stopped to take a deep breath, hoping to calm myself. I had to set him free. I had to make sure this never happened again._

_"Isabella Marie Swan," he whispered, the strangest expression crossing his face. He almost looked mad. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me _because I felt guilty_?"_

_I could feel the blank incomprehension on my face. "Didn't you?"_

_"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."_

_"Then…what are you saying? I don't understand."_

_"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," he said, voice soft, eyes fierce. "Even if I'd had no hand in your death"—he shuddered as he whispered the last word—"even if it wasn't my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful—I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?_

_"The odds…," he muttered then, distracted. His voice was so low I wasn't sure I heard it right. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."_

_"But I still don't understand," I said. "That's my whole point. So what?"_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"So what if I _was_ dead?"_

_He stared at me dubiously for a long moment before answering. "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"_

_"I remember _everything_ that you told me." Including the words that had negated all the rest._

_He brushed the tip of his cool finger against my lower lip. "Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." He closed his eyes, shaking his head back and forth with half a smile on his beautiful face. It wasn't a happy smile. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."_

_"I am…" My head swam as I looked for the appropriate word. "Confused." That worked. I couldn't make sense of what he was saying._

_He stared deep into my eyes with his sincere, earnest gaze. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."_

_I froze, my muscles locking down as if for impact. The fault line in my chest rippled; the pain of it took my breath away. _

_He shook my shoulder, trying to loosen my rigid pose. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." He winced. "That was…excruciating."_

_I waited, still frozen._

_"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye—"_

_I didn't allow myself to remember. I fought to keep myself in the present second only._

_"You weren't going to let go," he whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it—it felt like it would kill me to do it—but I knew if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought _I'd_ moved on, so would you."_

_"A clean break," I whispered through unmoving lips._

_"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible—that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry—sorry because I hurt you, sorry _

_because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry._

_"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"_

_I didn't answer. I was too shocked to form a rational response._

_"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly _believed_ that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept—as if there were any way that _I_ could exist without needing _you_!"_

_I was still frozen. His words were incomprehensible, because they were impossible._

_He shook my shoulder again, not too hard, but enough that my teeth rattled a little._

_"Bella," he sighed. "Really, what were you thinking!"_

_And so I started to cry. The tears welled up and then gushed miserably down my cheeks._

_"I knew it," I sobbed. "I _knew_ I was dreaming."_

_"You're impossible," he said, and he laughed once—a hard laugh, frustrated. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I _have_ always loved you, and I _will_ always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."_

_I shook my head while the tears continued to ooze from the corners of my eyes._

_"You don't believe me, do you?" he whispered, his face paler than his usual pale—I could see that even in the dim light. "Why can you believe the lie, and not the truth?"_

_"It never made sense for you to love me," I explained, my voice breaking twice. "I always knew that."_

_His eyes narrowed, His jaw tightened._

_"I'll prove you're awake," he promised._

_He caught my face securely between his iron hands, ignoring my struggles when I tried to turn my head away._

_"Please don't," I whispered._

_He stopped, his lips just half an inch from mine._

_"Why not?" he demanded. His breath blew into my face, making my head whirl._

_"When I wake up"—He opened his mouth to protest, so I revised—"okay, forget that one—when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."_

_He pulled back an inch, to stare at my face._

_"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so…hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you _have_ moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be…quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please—just tell me whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" he whispered._

_"What kind of an idiotic question is that?"_

_"Just answer it. Please."_

_I stared at him darkly for a long moment. "The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you—and there's nothing you can do about it!"_

_"That's all I needed to hear."_

_His mouth was on mine then, and I couldn't fight him. Not because he was so many thousand times stronger than me, but because my will crumbled into dust the second our lips met. The kiss was not quite as careful as others I remembered, which suited me just fine. If I was going to rip myself up further, I might as well get as much in trade as possible. _

_So I kissed him back, my heart pounding out a jagged, disjointed rhythm while my breathing turned to panting and my fingers moved greedily to his face. I could feel his marble body against every line of mine, and I was so glad he hadn't listened to me—there was no pain in the world that would have _

_justified missing this. His hands memorized my face, the same way mine were tracing his, and, in the brief seconds when his lips were free, he whispered my name._

_When I was starting to get dizzy, he pulled away, only to lay his ear against my heart._

_I lay there, dazed, waiting for my gasping to slow and quiet._

_"By the way," he said in a casual tone. "I'm not leaving you."_

The excruciating earthquake erupting through my chest ripped apart my insides, leaving tatters in their place. I gasped and struggled for breath, the pain making my mind go blank. I had to get away from this. I couldn't stand any more of this, and what was worse was that I couldn't stand the thought of Edward suffering like this. I knew he was. He loved me just as much as I loved him, so there was no way that he couldn't feel the pain as well.

_It's late," he said again, murmuring, almost crooning now, his voice smoother than silk. "Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love."_

Renesmee entered then.

"Mom," she murmured. "Mom, I want you to know that it's okay with me. If you…if you go with Dad. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I have Jacob. He's fine, too."

Then the whole Cullen family came in. The pain was hard to concentrate on through the confusion.

They all grouped around the bed and came to hug me all at once.

"We love you, Bells." Jacob whispered. "Whatever you want is okay with us."

"Go be with Edward." Esme murmured. She smiled, but it did not touch her eyes.

"You were a wonderful sister to me." Alice said, squeezing me tighter.

"I'm with Alice." Emmett bellowed, trying to laugh, but the sadness gripped him too hard. "I'm going to miss you."

"I love you, too, Bella." Rosalie quietly added, "I thought you'd like to know that I won't forget you. Thank you."

"And I want to thank you as well, Bella." Jasper said calmly, "I've had a great time with you. I'm glad we could get so close."

"You were a part of our family always, Bella. Never forget that." Carlisle put in, also calm, "We've all always loved you like family. Thank you for being a part of our lives."

Choked sobs came from various places in the room and they all hugged me once more and filed out of the room.

They closed the door and I began to sob, the sound strained.

I groaned loudly, choking sobs coming through my clenched teeth. Clawed fingers gripped my chest, struggling to keep myself intact as I wished for the pain to die, to release me. I was being held prisoner by my memories and there was no escape. There was no reprieve. So I let go.


	7. Chapter 7

**One thing: **Sorry it's taken a while to update. I went to a football game with the color guard and band at Qwest field. Team was playing and we went to support them. We lost 42-19, but they were the best in the country so we're actually pretty lucky. It was amazing to be in the Seahawks stadium! And then I had math homework. Damn responsibility. I changed this song a bit. There were bits that fit better than others, so it's in bits and pieces and skips around a bit. Hahah so here's the next chapter. I decided I would finally explain what happened to Edward. I'm happy because I made my friend cry! That's hard to do, so I am proud of myself! Hahah anyway…

Chapter 7: To answer you question, I just had to leave

_**Edward**_

_I walk alone_

_Think of home_

_Memories of long ago_

_No one knows I lost_

_My soul long ago_

_Lied too much_

_I think that I've had enough_

_Am I too much_

_She said that she's had enough_

_Standing on my own_

_Remembering the one I left at home_

_Forget about the life I used to know_

_Forget about the one I left at home_

_So now I'm standing here alone_

_I'm learning how to live life on my own_

_Forget about the past I'll never know_

_Forget about the one I left at home_

"**On My Own" **Three Days Grace

I walked along the river, looking down at the white beneath my feet, feeling that it was odd that I wasn't falling. I didn't feel supported by the blank ground. It just felt like nothingness. But that's because that's what it was.

The rain continued to fall onto my shoulders, never thickening, and never lightening up, either. I looked up to the white emptiness of the sky and could see the rain coming down to drench my face, but as soon as I would look down below me it was as if the rain wasn't there. I never saw it splash against the ground. It just…disappeared.

It hadn't stopped raining. Everywhere I went it rained. I was starting to get cold, but I kept walking, absentmindedly staring at the river.

I gasped at the sudden warmth washing through me yet again. The white faded again into the blackness of her room. She sat there, staring at the ceiling. I took a breath in and something stabbed through my lungs. At the same time and clenched my ribs she wrapped her arms around herself, the two of us trying to hold ourselves together. This was very different from the feeling of my heart inflating to give itself to her. This was the agony of separation. Having no heart at all. Nothing to give because it had already been given, and nothing to take because it had already been taken and ripped apart in the rampage that my loneliness had triggered. She writhed in agony just as I did. Just as I had under Jane's penetrating gaze so long ago. We both just dwelled in our agony for an immeasurable amount of time until the door opened, distracting the two of us.

"Mom," she murmured. "Mom, I want you to know that it's okay with me. If you…if you go with Dad. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I have Jacob. He'll be fine, too."

Bella and I looked dumbfounded, just watching with pain in our faces as the whole family filed into the room, calm masks disguising the agony that they held with the loss of me and the approaching loss of Bella.

They all hugged Bella at once and I shuffled one foot at a time over to the bed, trying to understand what was happening.

"We love you, Bells." Jacob said, his voice faltering, "Whatever you want is okay with us."

"Go be with Edward," at my name Esme's face crumpled into a grimace of pain. She wiped it away with a halfhearted smile.

"You have been a wonderful sister to me." Alice whispered, squeezing Bella tighter.

"I'm with Alice." Emmett bellowed, trying to hide his sadness with a laugh. His sentence choked off with the ghost of a sob. "I'm going to miss you."

"I love you, too, Bella." Rosalie added, "I thought you'd like to know that I won't forget you. Thank you."

And I want to thank you as well, Bella." Jasper said, calmer than the others. "I've had a great time with you. I'm glad we could get so close."

"You were a part of our family always, Bella. Never forget that." Carlisle put in strongly, "We've all always loved you like family. Thank you for being a part of our lives."

All of the vampires and the werewolf in the room let out broken sobs and hugged Bella one last time before exiting.

Bella began to choke out her own sobs once they left and the hole returned for the two of us, then suddenly she went limp and the warmth washed through me once more.

_I heard her soft footsteps across the sand. They paused a few meters away as she dropped her towel by the curved tree where I had left my clothes. She began walking to the water's edge and my heart inflated to fill my entire chest again. I stared at the pallid light of the moon at the glow of it rippling across the low waves in the darkness. I felt the water running under my palms as I waited for her to join me, almost wanting her not to join me. I feared that tomorrow morning I would be staring at her dead beside me, and I just would not be able to deal with that. She was so sure that I wouldn't—that I _couldn't_ kill her. I trusted her more than anyone else, and I wanted to believe her. But my trust in myself, in my control was so lacking…what if she was wrong…what if…._

_But what if she was right? What if I was just overreacting as usual? If I trusted her so much then why couldn't I believe her. I would try. And I would be careful._

_I heard the water as she stepped in and I stiffened, if I could stiffen anymore. She walked carefully to my side and put her warm hand on mine._

_"Beautiful," she said, gazing with me at the moon._

_"It's all right," I answered truthfully. I turned slowly to face her, checking myself always, indulging in her scent, somehow intensified. I twined our fingers beneath the water._

_"But I wouldn't use the word _beautiful_," I continued. "Not with you standing here in comparison."_

_She half-smiled, then her free hand came up and she placed it over my heart. I shuddered, my breath coming rougher as I thought again of the possibilities of what this could lead to._

_"I promised we would _try_," I whispered, tense again. "If…if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once."_

_She nodded slowly, keeping her warm brown eyes locked on mine. She took a step to me and the small waves lapped against my legs. She rested her head against my chest._

_"Don't be afraid," she murmured. "We belong together."_

_I was suddenly overwhelmed with the conviction of her statement. Nothing else mattered as soon as she spoke the words. Her scent wafted through my nose again, but I knew I could handle this. I knew that we truly _did_ belong together and nothing would ever change that. My fears dissipated and dissolved into the island air. My nerves came alive and the love I felt for overthrew every thought and every feeling but that._

_"Forever," I agreed, and then I pulled us into deeper water._

Bella sat up and walked out the door. This time I followed her. She left the empty house and walked down the long driveway to the highway. As soon as she hit the pavement she was running. I followed easily behind her, not wanting to leave her company. She ran into forks and slowed to a walk again. She just strolled around town, watching the people walking by.

I was confused. Suddenly the people all left. No one was on the street. It was early morning so there had only been a precious few traveling. Her skin began to throw rainbows, like the sun was shining, but the problem was that the sun wasn't shining. The rain was still pouring down and splashing against the pavement. As she walked I watched her, wishing I could be walking with her, her hand in mine.

_"Go." I said through my teeth, not taking my eyes off of the creature before me._

_"Edward, I'm staying here." She asserted._

_"No. Leave." A grown ripped through my throat at the thought of Bella being hurt by the creature._

_"But…"_

_"I'll be fine." I promised confidently. I stood from my crouch and smiled at her, emphasizing my confidence. She hesitantly stood there, and after a few moments of deliberating, walked away._

_I stared after her for a few moments, her perfect form loping away. My chest felt full all of a sudden. _

_'_I love you, Bella._' I thought to myself as she faded into the deep darkness of the trees. I turned back to the creature a few feet from me. It was not the same menace as the one I had seen before Bella had left. This one triggered a burning hate._

_"Caius," I said plainly, returning to my defensive position._

_"Edward," he replied, a smirk stretching across his face. He deepened his crouch slowly._

_I narrowed my eyes and waited._

_A growl ripped its way through the creature before me._

_"Die." He smirked and leapt for me._

_The fight was even. I could hear his thoughts and know what he did before he did it, just as with everyone else, but after a while he just stopped thinking. He did anything. No technique, just knowing that he wanted to kill me. He had gone completely feral. The blows we had against each other sounded like thunder crashing through the trees. It was all lightning fast leaps and ducks and scratches, going for the throat, the limbs, trying to tear each other apart. Suddenly he had thrown his weight into me, thus throwing me against a tree. The tree snapped and fell with Caius and I on top of it. He smiled evilly and pulled me up by my shirt collar. I glared, trying to make sense of it all. _

_Bella ran into the clearing. Caius and I both glanced her way and he grinned. He laughed jubilantly and, with a screeching pulled my arms from my body. Then my legs. He continues to tear me apart, delighting in my screams. The fire he lit was just as excruciating as when I had first become a vampire. The next thing I knew I was in pitch black._

_Broken sobs echoed from somewhere in the darkness, complete pain rippling its way through my chest and then a sharp tear as my heart was torn through, everything being ripped apart. My chest dug _

_through viciously, eagerly. The sobs sounded like an angel. Through the pain I found it wrong for the angel to be crying._

_I tried to tell her not to cry, but I couldn't speak. The darkness pulled my under and I accepted. _

_I couldn't move and I could do nothing but let my chest be gnawed at and shredded. I wished to curl myself over. To hold myself together, but I just fell apart, my breathing coming in shallow, rasping, loud gasps. Nothing could hold me together and I simply lay there, hearing silence, tasting emptiness, seeing black, and feeling complete agony. My lungs continued to struggle around the trauma caused by my broken—to say the least—heart. Until they fell apart too. The ravaging pain moved to my lungs, the searing pain continuing through them. I wanted to scream, though I knew it would never help. I needed something to distract me from this feeling. I was falling apart and I was falling under and there was nothing and no one to save me. I was alone in the darkness…the nothingness, and there was nothing I could do. My shallow gasps came louder and shallower, until my breathing stopped all together. And I finally realized how alone I truly was._


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: **I know I changed the ending to Breaking Dawn, but I liked the ending scene so much that I put it in as a flashback, so just ignore the fact that it doesn't make any sense. Thanks! And I'm going to write a story on fictionpress after I finish this, so if you're interested go read it! Ow…my mouth hurts…I hate spicy food. Damn Calzone…it's so spicy but _so good_! Like Noah's chicken…oooh, band kids….hahah

Chapter 8: I want to find you so bad

_I can't remember when it was good_

_Moments of happiness elude_

_Maybe I just misunderstood_

_All of the love we left behind_

_Watching the flashbacks intertwine_

_Memories I will never find_

_So I'll love whatever you become_

_Forget the reckless things we've done_

_I think our lives have just begun_

_I think our lives have just begun_

_I feel my world crumbling_

_I feel my life crumbling down_

_I feel my soul crumbling away_

_Falling away_

_Falling away with you_

_All of the love we left behind_

_Watching the flashbacks intertwine_

_Memories I will never find_

_Memories I will never find_

"**Falling Away With You" **Muse

The sun breaking through the early morning clouds glittered on my skin in a million glorious facets. It reminded me of the first time I had seen Edward in the sunlight, his beauty throwing my again. I had never gotten used to it. I strolled in front of the shop windows. The lights inside were off, the day too young for anyone to be up. I gazed through the windows, my mind elsewhere.

I crossed a street and the sun brilliantly flaunted itself again.

"Hm." I murmured to myself. Funny how the sun was shining on my last day. Once I had walked the strip of downtown Forks and past the high school I sprinted through to La Push. As I ran, I remembered.

_Edward and I walked slowly to our room, swinging our arms between us._

_"A night for celebrations," he murmured, and put his hand under my chin to lift my lips to his._

_"Wait," I hesitated, pulling away._

_He looked at me in confusion. As a general rule, I didn't pull away. Okay, it was more than a general rule. This was a first._

_"I want to try something," I informed him, smiling slightly at his bewildered expression._

_I put my hands on both sides of his face and closed my eyes in concentration._

_I hadn't done very well with this when Zafrina had tried to teach me before, but I knew my shield better now. I understood the part that fought against separation from me, the automatic instinct to preserve self above all else._

_It still wasn't anywhere near as easy as shielding other people along with myself. I felt the elastic recoil again as my shield fought to protect me. I had to strain to push it entirely away from me; it took all of my focus._

_"Bella!" Edward whispered in shock._

_I knew it was working then, so I concentrated even harder, dredging up the specific memories I'd saved for this moment, letting them flood my mind, and hopefully his as well._

_Some of the memories were not clear—dim human memories, seen through weak eyes and heard through weak ears: the first time I'd seen his face…the way it felt when he'd held me in the meadow…the sound of his voice through the darkness of my faltering consciousness when he'd saved me from James…his face as he waited under a canopy of flowers to marry me…every precious moment from the island…his cold hands touching our baby through my skin…_

_And the sharp memories, perfectly recalled: his face when I'd opened my eyes to my new life, to the endless dawn of immortality…that first kiss…that first night…_

_His lips, suddenly fierce against mine, broke my concentration._

_With a gasp, I lost my grip on the struggling weight I was holding away from myself. It snapped back like stressed elastic, protecting my thoughts once again._

_"Oops, lost it!" I sighed._

_"I _heard_ you!" he breathed. "How? How did you do that?"_

_"Zafrina's idea. We practiced with it a few times."_

_He was dazed. He blinked twice and shook his head._

_"Now you know," I said lightly, and shrugged. "No one's ever loved anyone as much as I love you."_

_"You're almost right." He smiled, his eyes still a little wider than usual. "I know of just one exception."_

_"Liar."_

_He started to kiss me again, but then stopped abruptly._

_"Can you do it again?" he wondered._

_I grimaced. "It's very difficult."_

_He waited, his expression eager._

_"I can't keep it up if I'm even the slightest bit distracted," I warned him._

_"I'll be good," he promised._

_I pursed my lips, my eyes narrowing. Then I smiled._

_I pressed my hands to his face again, hefted the shield right out of my mind, and then started in where I'd left off—with the crystal-clear memory of the first night of my new life…lingering on the details._

_I laughed breathlessly when his urgent kiss interrupted my efforts again._

_"Damn it," he growled, kissing hungrily down the edge of my jaw._

_"We have plenty of time to work on it," I reminded him._

_"Forever and forever and forever," he murmured._

_"That sounds exactly right to me."_

_And then we continued blissfully into this small but perfect piece of our forever._

I slowed to a stroll again as I got to First Beach. The sea air filled my nostrils. I wasn't sure if I was allowed on the reservation, but I didn't care. I watched the waves crawl up the shore, the sand dark and wet. Below my feet the rainbow rocks made no sound as my feet touched them. I picked one up. It was a pale pink color. Kind of like salmon. It had facets of crystal in it, just like my skin. I smiled and tossed it into the water. To my right were the salt-bleached logs lay piled on the edge of the beach. I turned and walked in their direction to sit down on one.

I lit a fire and watched all of the colors that the flames turned as they licked up the salt, thinking of my first time here, when I'd discovered that Edward was a vampire. I thought of _La Bella Italia_, after he had saved me in Port Angeles.

I wandered to the driftwood tree that was always mine and Jacob's, the roots on one end stretching out like a spider's legs, curling together in all sorts of abstract patterns. I thought of cliff diving, and the plane home from Italy, and prom, and the meadow. That gave me an idea. I broke into a run again, exhilarated by the speed, as I had always been. As I ran I thought of the others. The Cullens and Jacob.

_"Go to your happy place, Bella. It won't take long." Alice had told me the day before my wedding._

_"You're monopolizing the bride. Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last chance to make her blush." Emmett had joked on my wedding day._

_"It's not that I have an aversion to you as a sister. It's just that…this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me." Rosalie explained fervently after our trip to Italy to save Edward._

_"It's very nice to know you." Esme told me the day I'd met her._

_"Bella, you have nothing to worry about. You are completely safe here." Jasper had assured me when we were running from James._

_"I'm sure all this sounds a little bizarre, coming from a vampire. But I'm hoping that there is still a point to this life, even for us." Carlisle had explained while he pulled glass from my arm._

_Renesmee looked up and smiled at me again, showing her square little teeth and two dimples._

_"Love you more." Jacob had promised from his bed after the Volturi had left. _

I dashed through the forest, dodging trees with ease until I saw the arch of branches. I slowed to a walk as I entered through the arch into the meadow. All of a sudden my chest began to ache again. I landed hard on the ground as my knees gave out underneath me. The pain throbbed through my chest and I arched my back and groaned loudly. I curled myself all the way back into as small a ball as I could, gripping my sides to hold myself in place. Everything felt like it was going to burst through and I would be torn to pieces at any moment. As the pain faded to a dull ghost of pain I rolled myself to my knees and from there pulled myself off of the ground. I didn't run again. I walked all the way back to the house and spent my time with the rest of the Cullen family.

We played chess—Jasper still beat me, and I think Alice let me win--, Emmett arm wrestled me again, for old times, Carlisle and Esme just sat and watched, laughing with us and talking with us about nothing. For once none of us had anything to worry about. No impending doom, or my mortality, we were just there. Just sitting around like any other family. After a while we all moved to the couches and sat and talked all night. What else did vampires do all night? I held Renesmee's head in my lap and she soon drifted off into a deep sleep, light snores escaping her lips. She murmured my name and Edward's a few times. It seemed that she would have my habit of talking in her sleep. She whispered that she loved my with a dreamlike smile on her face. I smiled at her, stroking her head absentmindedly.

After a while, early the next morning I went back to my cottage and put Renesmee in her bed. I walked to my room and laid myself down on the bed. After a few moments of just staring at the ceiling I rolled over and opened a drawer to pull out a piece of paper and a pen. I wrote a separate note to each Cullen and laid them all on my bed.

Carlisle,

You have been so wonderful to me all this time. I have always trusted you and been so close to you. I want to thank you for accepting me so readily into your family not just as your daughter-in-law, but as your daughter and fellow vampire. I can never fully express my honest gratitude for everything you have given me. I'll never forget you.

Bella

Alice,

You have been my very best friend and a good sister to me and I can't thank you enough for everything you have done. Even though you drove me crazy I have always loved you as I would love a sister. You were also an amazing maid of honor and the wedding as well as everything you have done for me I recognize as being out of the goodness of your heart and I appreciate you so very much.

Love,

Bella

Emmett,

You really have protected me, and all of your jokes have helped make my life so much more fun. You have always been there for me and I do feel you are a close brother to me. Thank you.

Bella

Jasper,

I am so glad that we could have so much time together to grow so close. It's no eternity, but I am grateful for my time with you. You have always been there for me and, like the others, I can't thank you enough.

Rosalie,

We started off rough, but I don't regret ever having time with you. I am so happy that you and I could finally be sisters, and I have always loved you like a sister. Thank you for sharing your opinions with me and being so honest and especially for helping me with Renesmee. I'm trusting you, and the rest of them, of course, with protecting her. I trust you. Thank you. I love you.

Bella

Esme,

You have always been my mother and your support has influenced and inspired me in so many ways. I have always loved you and have always been grateful to be a part of your family. Thank you for always being there for me in the small and large ways.

Bella

Renesmee,

From the moment I found out about you I have loved you. Edward loves you just as much as I do, and I will miss you and everyone else so very much. Rosalie, Emmett, and the others will be there for you, so make sure you go to them when they need it. I know you will have a wonderful life with Jacob and the rest of the Cullens and I will always be with you. I have always loved you more than my own life.

Mom

Jacob,

You've been my best friend when I needed you, and when I didn't need you. You were my sun in the dark times when Edward left, and you've been my sun now. You have been my son ever since you and Renesmee found each other, and I want you to take good care of her. Stay with her and love her more than you ever loved me. I'll miss you, Jake. Love you.

Bells

I folded the notes and placed them side-by-side on the bed. Then I stood up and walked out of my bedroom for the last time.


	9. Chapter 9

**Apologies: **I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to update! I changed my schedule so school was kind of hectic, and there was a little bit of drama for a few days, and the football season is starting to heat up, meaning so is the color guard season. I was at the Laundromat Saturday because our dryer broke, so I wrote the last four chapters there, and I have just been waiting for free time to put them up. They're short, though. There's not really much happening. Hope you like it! I know I do! And may I recommend to you all a wonderful story that my friend wrote on fictionpress called "Shadows" I think. It's so good! I'd tell you what it's about, but it's confusing. Good confusing. The kind that makes you want to keep reading. It's by MelAsh. Go read it! But before you do, read this!! :D

Chapter 9: Don't believe that it's better when you leave everything behind

_Despite the lies that you're making_

_Your love is mine for the taking_

_My love is_

_Just waiting_

_To turn your tears to roses_

_You feel so lonely and ragged_

_You lay there broken and naked_

_My love is_

_Just waiting_

_To cover you in crimson roses_

_I'll be the one that's going to hold you_

_I'll be the one that you run to_

_My love is_

_A'burning_

_Consuming fire  
No!_

_You'll never be alone_

_When darkness comes_

_I'll light the night with stars_

_Hear the whispers in the dark_

_No!_

_You'll never be alone_

_When darkness comes _

_You know I'm never far_

_Hear the whispers in the dark_

"**Whispers In The Dark" **Skillet

I followed her around as she wandered Forks for the last time. To the meadow, the beach, and eventually back to the house, memories lacing their way through my thoughts. I watched forlornly as my family enjoyed each other's company. I laughed when they did, pretending I was part of the joke.

Eventually Bella left everyone and headed to the cottage. She wrote letters to everyone. I grimaced at the sadness behind each word. After she had laid them out on our bed she left.

I watched her go, knowing she would be with me soon enough.

The room began to fade around me when the door burst open. In a blur, Bella was at the bad, grabbing her pen and notebook again.

Edward,

I'm coming for you soon. Everyone noticed that I couldn't live without you, so they kind of…gave me permission to come with you. I was—I'm still a little bit confused, but the thought of seeing you puts me to such peace. I feel so warm. I can feel you when you're with me, and I want to escape the emptiness of your absence. I've thought about you. So much. I've thought of every moment with you, every time you told me you loved me, and every moment that I knew that I have always loved you. That hasn't changed. Not one bit. No distance or amount of time could ever make me love you any less than I ever have. Even though missing you is physically painful for me, I can't stop thinking about you. I want you back, Edward. I'll see you soon. I miss you. I love you more than anything else in the world.

Bella

She folded the letter on the pillow, kissing it and falling to the bed as she gripped her sides. I looked on in shock, the pain cutting off my breath as I collapsed to the bed as well. I brushed against her and both of our fits of pain ceased and we released ourselves in the warmth. I wrapped my arms around her and the disappearance of the hole was as sudden as it had been the first time. We sat like that, our eyes closed, enjoying each other's embrace forever, or so it seemed.

Eventually she opened her eyes and sighed as she walked out the door.

I stayed on the bed for a while, the ghost of her presence surrounding me. I clung to the warmth, holding off the pain. Finally the agony that I was fighting to suppress ripped its way through me. A cry of pain. Realizing it was me I curled into myself and shivered against the continuous stabs and twists. Tears fell from my face, leaving stains on the bed. I lay there in the same position until I could find the strength to pull myself up. I had to find Bella.

I dragged my feet to the door and clutched the door knob. I paused, my hand unmoving.

I turned and swept the room. The room I might never see again. I walked back to the bed, brushing my hand across in. I walked around the room, one arm holding my ribs in place. I winced against the throbs. I trailed my fingers along the walls, and entered the living room, touching every item, leading myself into Renesmee's room. I smiled slightly and left. I walked back to the bedroom and gazed at it again. I realized it didn't have the same meaning it once had. The person that held that meaning for me wasn't here. Her warmth was nowhere in this place anymore. It was just a house, and that was all that I saw it as as I left the house.

I walked throughout the forest absentmindedly. I didn't really pay much attention to where I was going. I had one goal.

The throbbing continued as I racked my brain, trying to decide where she might have gone.

I passed a couple walking along a trail, holding hands and smiling up at each other. They looked at each other the way that Jacob looked at Renesmee, the way Bella looked at me, as if they were seeing the sun for the first time.

A stab of pain. I looked away and continued on my undetermined course. At some point I ended up in Forks, watching people go about their normal activities, watching the cars drive by.

The town fell away to thick, and after a long walk on an empty road surrounded by trees, I saw a few buildings. A store and, a little while later, a red house.

I stopped as Renesmee came through the front door, Jacob in tow. She smiled brightly up at him. Her stature slackened and her smile turned to a grimace as she buried herself in Jacob's chest. He embraced her and kissed the top of her head. She was his age by now, so they ended up together. He closed his eyes and a tear slipped out.

"I'll miss her, too, Nessie." Jacob murmured. She buried herself deeper and choked sobs came from her. She looked up at him, wet tears sparkling on her cheeks. Just like the perpetual rain on mine.

"I love you, Jacob." She said.

"I love you, too." He replied. They kissed and I walked away.

I loved Renesmee and I missed her, but there was nothing I could do about that. She had Jacob. They would turn out alright.

As I walked I thought of Bella. My Bella. My love. Suddenly, I knew. I knew exactly where she was going. And so I followed.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Found my way back in the dark tonight

_You could make my head swerve_

_Used to know my every curve_

_And now we meet_

_On a street_

_And I am blind_

_I cannot find _

_The heart I gave_

_To you_

"**Glass" **Ingrid Michaelson

"Coach or First Class?" The woman asked me, concentrating pointedly on her computer screen. I could tell that she was jealous of my beauty. I felt a little bit guilty. But it's not like I could help it.

"Coach." I replied. I had never really lost my preference for simplicity.

"Window or aisle?"

I thought for a minute, deliberating. "Window." I wanted to see the world as I was on my way to leave it.

The woman printed off my ticket, took my credit card, gave it back and nodded as I walked away. She smiled sheepishly. She really was pretty, her blonde hair and blue eyes bright and gorgeous, but, unfortunately, she paled in comparison to a vampire.

"Thank you." I muttered and she smiled wider as she turned to the man waiting at the counter.

I made my way to the terminal and sat to wait. This was very different from the first time I had been here. The same terminal in the same airport, but there was no rush, no anxiety. No impending doom. The pain was there, but this time there was assurance that it would soon be gone forever.

The dark sky outside the large window sparkled with tiny stars, all bright. I wondered if I would become one of those stars. What would happen to me? Then I wondered if Edward was one of those stars.

My eyes fell on the brightest star and I imagined that it was Edward, watching me, waiting for me to join him in the sky. I smiled.

I closed my eyes and thought of only Edward. I was sure that I looked so still that I could have been sleeping. A little boy ran up to me.

"Miss! Hey, wake up!" He tapped my knee and I opened my eyes to a five-year-old boy in a thick orange coat. His bronze hair and hazel eyes catching my attention.

"Yes, what is it?" I smiled, still shocked at his resemblance to Edward.

"You're gonna miss the plane! Hurry, hurry! You have to get on _now_!" He yelled, clearly concerned. It sounded so important to him that I make my plane.

"Alright," I laughed. "I'm going. What is your name? I'm Bella."

"William." He said proudly, grinning widely.

"Hi, William. Where are your parents?" I bent down so that I was level with him and smiled. He was adorable. All smiles and dimples, just like Renesmee had been when she was born.

"William! Oh, I am so sorry, Miss! He got away from me!" a woman sighed as she ran up to take William's hand.

"That's fine," I smiled. "He wanted to make sure I made my plane…but…I don't think it's arrived yet." I muttered to myself as I looked up at the flight list. I still had a few minutes. "I fell asleep."

The woman laughed, relieved. "What's your name? I'm Christina."

"Bella." I answered.

"Okay." The woman smiled. "This is my son William and his father…" she trailed off as she turned to gaze at the crowd. He came up behind her. "Ah! My husband, Jacob." She finished.

"Ha ha we've met." I said, smiling at William, his eyes brightening with a returning smile.

Her husband wrapped his arms around her waist and she placed her hands on his. His head was on her shoulder and they gazed into each other's eyes.

"Jake, this is Bella. William wanted to make sure she made her plane alright." Her husband laughed. I fought for a smile.

"Typical Will…" Jake mused. "I'm Jacob. You can go ahead and call me Jake." He said, reaching out to shake my hand.

"Bella." I smiled. "Family vacation?" I asked lightly, a lump forming in my throat.

"No. I have a business trip." Jacob said. His bronze hair, brown eyes, and muscled build were a strange mix between my Jacob and Edward.

"Oh." I replied, unable to offer much more than that.

"What about you?" Christina asked.

"I'm…" I struggled for the right words. "I'm going to see my husband. He's been away for a while."

"Oh, how nice?" Christina smiled. "Is he military?"

"Yeah." I answered. I felt terrible for lying.

"Oh, my. Well, then, you're lucky he's still alive, I guess."

"Yeah, I am…" The last word caught in my throat. "lucky…"

"Where is he?"

"Italy."

"Wow. It's beautiful there."

"Yeah, it is."

"Well, we should go. It was really nice to meet you." Christina smiled. Jacob nodded.

"It was really good to meet you, too." I murmured, nodding my head, about to lose it.

The nodded and walked away. Jacob let go of all of Christina but her hand. Her other hand was in William's as they walked. They seemed to move in slow motion. And then William stopped and turned around. He ran to me and hugged me tight around my legs.

"Be happy, Bella!" He said seriously, looking directly into my eyes for a few seconds. Then he was smiling hugely. He ran back to his mother who had complete love in her eyes for her son. He took her hand again and turned back to wave largely at me.

"Bye!" William yelled as he smiled and waved happily.

"Bye." I murmured, waving back, my voice breaking.

I sat back down and crossed my arms tightly around my legs, pulling them up to my chest slowly. I pressed my mouth to my knees and watched all of the people. So many crowds of people. They greeted their families, said goodbye, or just shuffled through impatiently. The crowds twisted through each other. I watched and I thought of Edward. Choked sobs escaped my lips. I wanted a family like the one Christina had. She was so lucky. But, more than that, I wanted Edward. I didn't know if I could wait much longer. The only thing that kept me going was that the plane was faster than running.

A voice came on the microphone calling for the passengers for my flight to board. I sat up and walked onto the plane sluggishly, not seeing anything around me but Edward. What I had of him. My chest throbbed as I sat down and watched the ground fall away. And the sky turned gray.


	11. Chapter 11

**Quick explanation: **I'm already crying and I haven't even started writing yet! Mainly because my sister is watching I Am Legend (which scares the hell out of me, by the way) and the dog just died, so I'm crying. Okay, so there are two songs in this chapter for two reasons. 1) I couldn't pick just one and 2) this second song fit so well for the end of the chapter. It does that in the next, and Im' afraid last, chapter as well. Enjoy! sniffle, sniffle Damn dog had to go and die….God this movie is so good! TT

Oh, and I like Kingdom Hearts, and I used the opening to the second one. It just fits so well! Yes, it's on my iPod. Say nothing. You know you're jealous.

Chapter 11: I came down here to tell you

_I watch you_

_Fast asleep_

_All I fear_

_Means nothing_

_In you and I_

_There's a new land_

_(Angels and flies)_

_My sanctuary_

_My sanctuary, yeah_

_Where fears and lies_

_Melt away_

_(Music inside)_

_What's left of me_

_What's left of me, now_

"**Sanctuary" **Utada Hikaru

I opened my eyes and closed the window shade as I saw the faint rainbows thrown from my skin.

"Good morning, passengers." The captain said over the intercom, "We are arriving at our destination. Please fasten your seatbelts. Thank you for flying with us." The seatbelt light flashed on and the pressure in the cabin changed as we began to descend.

Once we had landed and gotten off a familiar airport opened up before me. Vague memories, considering that they were human and I was in such a hurry the last time I had been here that I hadn't had time to appreciate the scenery.

I walked out to the parking lot, considering grand theft auto, for old time's sake, but I kept walking. Once I was clear of the passersby I broke into a run. As I ran I watched the Tuscan countryside blur past. All I thought about was how much closer to Edward I got with each fleeting step. I truly did nearly feel that I was flying, at this point, my feet barely brushing the pavement.

I clung to every memory I had with him. Every moment was kept safe. I ignored the dull throbbing in my chest. I knew I would be with him soon, which made the pain bearable.

I ran with Bella, keeping pace easily, but I wasn't catching up. I was remembering every single touch, every feeling, every moment. The sound of her voice. She would be with me again soon. That's all I could think.

The sprawling majesty of Volterra came into view, but not Bella. I could feel her. I knew that she was going there. The dark beauty of the city really was mesmerizing. All of a sudden the thick rain that had soaked me and everything around me let up. It was till raining fairly hard, but not as hard as it had been. I smiled up at the sky.

I strolled past a long line of cars, following Bella into the city. As I entered I took a look at the crowds and my heart sank. I couldn't see her anywhere. I wandered the city, but Bella was nowhere to be seen.

As I weaved through the crowds, making sure to stay in the shadows because of the bright sun, I looked for the tower I needed. The tower that would be the most easily seen. I wanted to be with Edward as fast as possible.

Suddenly, it appeared before me. The tower. I climbed the tower swiftly and stealthily, getting to the top in a blur.

In an instant, I saw her. Atop the Volturi's tower, Bella stood, rainbows falling from the glittering facets in her skin. The people stood in a large crowd around the tower, perplexed and amazing at her impossible beauty. Caius came bursting out, cloaked of course, His expression was outraged and became a wide grin as he realized he would get the ending he had wanted all along. He stood in the front of the crowd, closest to the tower, holding off Dmitri who pouted and backed into the shadows.

I climbed the tower to join her.

I had worn my white lace sleeveless top, the same one I had worn the day I had left Phoenix. The day that had changed my life forever.

I saw Caius below, grinning with Dmitri at his side, an identical expression on his face. I smiled and closed my eyes.

"I love you." I heard Edward whisper in my head, as if he were right next to me.

"I love you, Edward." I whispered. Warmth flowed through my body, and I fell.

_Spend all your time waiting_

_For that second chance_

_For a break that would make it okay_

_There's always some reason_

_To feel not good enough_

_And it's hard at the end of the day_

_I need some distraction_

_Oh, beautiful release_

_As memories seep from my veins_

_Let me be empty_

_Oh, and weightless and maybe_

_I'll find some peace tonight_

_In the arms of the angel_

_Fly away from here_

_From this dark, cold hotel room_

_And the endlessness that you feel_

_You are pulled from the wreckage_

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find_

_Some comfort here_

_So tired of the straight line_

_And everywhere you turn_

_There's vultures and thieves at your back_

_The storm keeps on twisting_

_Keep on building the lies_

_That you make up for all that you lack_

_It don't make no difference_

_Skating one last time_

_It's easier to believe_

_In this sweet madness_

_Oh, this glorious sadness_

_That brings me to my knees_

_In the arms of the angel_

_Fly away from here_

_From this dark, cold hotel room_

_And the endlessness that you feel_

_You are pulled from the wreckage_

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find_

_Some comfort here_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find_

_Some comfort here_

"**Angel" **Sarah McLachlan


	12. Chapter 12

**My last comment!:** Alright, well my reviews have exploded since I've posted these last three chapters! I'm crying because of that last chapter. I don't know about you guys, but…one thing I want to say is, I am proud of my story, but I like the original ending. I'm a happy ending kind of person. I am so glad you all like it so much though!! Really, it's meant a lot to me these past few weeks! It's inspired me to write more often. I'm writing something on fictionpress. I haven't decided what it will be called, but I'll keep my penname the same as on here so you can find it if you'd like. One thing I noticed about that last chapter is that it really gives you a peek into Edward's head in New Moon when he attempts to do the same thing, you know? I just realized that. Really, thank you so much for everything! It's been a great ride!

Okay, now I'm keeping my promise. I'm going to explain why I had to kill Edward. It all began with my favorite song "The Truth About Heaven" by Armor For Sleep. Stephenie Meyer used it as inspiration to write her books. It really was a good song for Bella and Edward and I wanted to write a story based on the message of that song. Thus, Edward had to die. You'll understand what I mean.

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song. So that's how the story was created, now here are a few extra thing I wanted to put out there

THE SONGS THAT _ALMOST_ MADE IT

These are songs that were good and would have fit nicely into the story, but they got beat out. SORRY!

_**Edward **_

"**Comatose" **Skillet

"**Never Too Late" **Three Days Grace

"**On My Own" **Three Days Grace

"**Say Goodbye" **Skillet

"**Iris" **Ronan Keating

_**Bella**_

"**Falling Inside The Black" **Skillet

"**River" **Sarah McLachlan

"**Masochist" **Ingrid Michaelson

"**Wintersong" **Sarah McLachlan

"**World Spins Madly On" **The Weepies

_**Both**_

"**Luv" **Travis

"**Dark Blue" **Jack's Mannequin

"**Sing For Absolution" **Muse

"**Over My Head" **The Fray

"**How To Save A Life" **The Fray

"**White Flag"** Dido

"**Here With Me" **Dido

"**Thank You" **Dido

And now……the conclusion to my story. Thank you again for all of your support! I've had a great time! :D

Chapter 12: Don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die

_This is not_

_What I intended_

_I always swore to you_

_I'd never fall apart_

_You always thought_

_That I was stronger_

_I may have failed_

_But I have loved you from the start_

_Oh, but hold your breath_

_Because_

_Tonight will be the night _

_That I will fall for you_

_Over again_

_Don't make me change my mind_

_Or I won't_

_Live to see another day_

_I swear it's true_

_Because a girl like you is_

_Impossible to find_

_You're impossible to find_

_So, breathe in so deep_

_Breathe me in_

_I'm yours to keep_

_But hold on to your words_

_Cause talk is cheap_

_And remember me tonight _

_When you're_

_Asleep_

"**Fall For You" **Secondhand Serenade

Through the warmth I felt no pain. All I felt was Edward's arms around me. I was falling, and then I wasn't. I just stopped. I was afraid to open my eyes, afraid that I would wake to find that I was still alive. But this was too peaceful for me to still be alive. I felt…whole, warm, complete.

"Bella." He whispered. "Bella, love. I've missed you."

I wrapped my arms around Bella.

"I love you." I murmured into her ear, and she fell. The rain slowly decreased to a light mist, the warmth flooding my thoughts. When we landed and I opened my eyes I was in the meadow. Bella was beside me, her brown hair blowing in the breeze. As she opened her eyes, warm, deep, and brown as always, the blood flowed to her cheeks and stained them red. The rain had finally stopped and there was no sign of it or the hole. I had her heart and she had mine.

"Bella. Bella, love. I've missed you."

My eyes slowly opened to a sunny day in the meadow. Edward was laying there next to me, but he'd changed. His eyes were a glorious green, his bronze hair shining brilliantly in the sun. I touched his hand, warm as he clasped it over mine.

The warmth running through me proved that no pain waited in the wings to tear my chest violently open again.

"Edward." I murmured, thrilling at his name as it came through my lips. He took me into his arms and I pulled him close. "I've missed you, too."

He pulled me away only to kiss me softly, sweetly. Then he deepened the kiss, making up for lost time. I memorized his features as he did mine, our usual carefulness destroyed by our passion, and the fact that we were equals now. When we finally separated we were both panting.

"I love you." I told him.

"I love you, Bella." He replied.

"Forever." We smiled widely together, loving the idea, and as we embraced we knew we truly did have forever.

_Walked past my grave in the dark tonight_

_Saw the stone and the note you left for me_

_To answer your question_

_I just had to leave_

_I just had to leave_

_But that's not why I'm here_

_I came down here to tell you_

_It rains in Heaven all day long_

_I want to find you so bad_

_And let you know _

_I'm miserable up here without you_

_(Miserable up here without you)_

_Found my way back in the dark tonight_

_Couldn't wake up not right next to you_

_I'd trade in forever_

_To just hear you say_

_The sound of my name_

_But that's not why I'm here_

_I came down here to tell you_

_It rains in Heaven all day long_

_I want to find you so bad_

_And let you know I'm _

_Miserable up here without you_

_(Miserable up here without you)_

_Don't believe _

_That it's better_

_When you leave everything behind_

_Don't believe _

_That the weather_

_Is perfect the day that you die_

_Don't believe_

_That the weather_

_Is perfect the day that you die_

_I came down here to tell you_

_It rains in Heaven all day long_

_(All day long)_

_I want to find you so bad_

_And let you know I'm _

_Miserable up here without you_

_(Miserable up here without you)_

_I came down here to tell you_

_It rains in heaven all day long_

_(All day long)_

_I want to find you so bad_

_And let you know I'm_

_Miserable up here without you_

_(Miserable up here without you)_

_Don't believe_

_That the weather_

_Is perfect the day that you die_

"**The Truth About Heaven" **Armor For Sleep


End file.
